A dive into the past

So, let's get some back history to me, and probably 1 of the many reasons I am the way I am at my age. When i was about 7, it was the very early 1980s, my uncle, his wife, & my cousin had come to visit, they had a friend with them. Everyone had been drinking & smoking, and my Dad, being the responsible person he was, didn't want them driving back to their houses, so everyone stayed over night. My brother & sister both we're gone, sleeping over at their friends house, I was the only 1 home, I was picked to stay home to play with my little cousin.

 

As everyone slept, i remember being in my brother's room sleeping in the bed with my little cousin, my sister had latched our door shut & I couldn't reach the lock. And my uncle's friend came in & woke me, which I was kind of awake, because my little cousin had wet the bed. Anyway, dude proceeded to pick me up, like he was taking me into my room to change my clothes. Instead of changing me, he laid me on my bed, and proceeded to touch me inappropriately, now, how long this went on I do not know. I do know, I didn't touch him, and oddly enough, he couldn't pull my hands apart to "make" me touch him, i had the clasped together quite tightly.

 

Now I know that sounds super ridiculous, a grown man couldn't get my little hands pulled apart, but he couldn't. And I really don't recall everything that happened, it was obviously traumatic, but I survived it. I didn't tell anyone, for years, I told my sister in 1992, the summer I spent with her, I then told my Dad later that year. And as you can imagine, he was super upset, confused, etc, simply because he couldn't figure out why I wouldn't have told him sooner. But, as a child, when someone threatens your family, you tend to keep a zip lip, you really don't know at that point. Yeah, my Dad was a good sized dude at 6'5", but again, when your that small at 7 *shrugs* you're just scared for your family.

 

With that cat being out of the bag, why did I tell you that? Well, for this reason, I did my best to NOT let that experience in my youth define my future. Did I become a little more reserved, oh, I'm sure I did, made me very leary of people I didn't know, which is expected, along with changing my trust in people. The experience, did have an impact on my mentality, I probably do have a mild case of PTSD (if there is such a thing as mild), though not actually diagnosed, I do have diagnosed Bipolar Disorder with sociopath tendencies. But, I maintain without meds, I will end with that ...